Recently, I’ve been diving into the research of Vanessa Van Edwards, particularly her work
on the “Science of Influence.” Just like when I revisited Atomic Habits, I started having
immediate “aha moments” about the tiny, almost invisible inputs that dictate our success in
communication.
One of her most striking insights is this: The first 10 words of any interaction are the
most important. In our journey toward becoming master communicators, we often obsess
over the “big” goals—the 30-minute presentation or the complex pitch. But if we don’t put
enough thought into how we begin, we lose the audience before we’ve even started.
If you find yourself being interrupted in meetings or ignored in your inbox, it isn’t a lack of
talent; it’s likely an influence problem. To solve it, we have to look at the “social scripts” we
use. When we use predictable, boring phrases, the listener’s brain essentially goes to
sleep.
The Problem with “Auto-Pilot”
Problem: Predictability kills attention.
Think about your typical Zoom call. Almost everyone starts with: “Hi, can you hear me? Is
my camera working okay?” Or the classic: “How are you? Good, busy, you?” These words
are the “messy room” of communication. They are low-value fillers that signal to the other
person’s brain: This is going to be a standard, boring interaction. You can check your email
now.
The “How Are You?” Diet: Do’s and Don’ts
To rebuild your communication system, you need to go on a “How Are You?” Diet. Replace
the autopilot scripts with a genuine interest:
Don’t’s Do’s
“How are you doing today?” – “What was the highlight of your day so far?”
“I’m just checking in on this.” – “I wanted to share a fascinating update with you.”
“Can I pick your brain?” – “I’d love to deep dive into your expertise on…”
“Sorry, can you see my screen?” – “I am so excited to show you these results.”
Your words have the power to change the chemistry of a room. By ditching the “How areyou?” script and choosing your first 10 words with intention, you don’t just increase your own influence—you help others feel more motivated and engaged.
What will your next 10 words be?
ベリタスイングリッシュ ｜中上級者向け 短期集中 ビジネス英語 コーチング
Veritas Coach
Mariia Kovalchuk
Born and raised in a small city of Russia Mariia had bigger dreams of living and working abroad. She knew that English language will open the doors of opportunities so she put a lot of effort into learning the language and soon was admitted into Korea University in Seoul. There she chose to pursue the bachelor of Business Administration conducted in English while also learning Korean language. After graduation Mariia was brought to Japan for an internship where she discovered Veritas. The mission of Veritas to help broaden life opportunities with English language spoke directly to Mariia’s experiences and believes. Here she hopes to inspire and motivate the student as well as her colleagues to not be afraid of the change and live life to the fullest.
